Diary from Limousin Part 21

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MondayGemini 21 May- 20 June The moon continues through Virgo. Take some time to be more creative. Don’t overreach yourself tonight though 4.45 All very well living in pollution-free paradise, just wish I didn’t have to share it with entire world population of wannabe-rock-star-morningales.   5 a.m. Make v. small cup green tea, v. large pot of coffee as chaser. Eat 2 low-cholesterol bananas. Tickle toes of laptop.  5.20 Apolline has had bad night too, tossing and turning between sweat-soaked sheets (weather suddenly tropical. Lends exotic touch to thrilling tale. Have reasoned that vast majority of readers clueless re whereabouts of Limousin, can therefore indulge in literary licence.) Ace investigator cannot expunge dinner date from mind. Just thinking of Henri sends frisson down spine. Notice all thrillers have frissons. Haven’t yet decided what variety, whether fear, excitement or something else frisson. Apolline showers, dresses, eats breakfast. Hmm. Half baguette, confiture d’abricot, freshly ground coffee. Perhaps some orange juice. American cops always drinking Styrofoam coffee, eating weird things called grits. Some kind of organic gravel I think.  7 p.m. Gym Ms really badly infected with yoga bug now. Am lulled into false sense of security by relaxation routine. Ys. Truly now excellent at latter as mostly involves closing eyes having kip, snoring, fart or two etc.  Very little skill or effort to be honest, which is all I ask of a sport.  7.25 "Sit up. Wake up Mad-e-leine…." "Left leg behind left ear!. .left ear, Babette…"  Get hopelessly entangled after further instructions involving tricky manoeuvres with right fingers, left knee and some part of anatomy have never heard of. Feel like incompetent octopus. 8 p.m. Cannot face any more carrot or tomato juice, celery, cocktail tomatoes etc. Long for the good old days of wine and chocolate. Have brought Mars bar to eat discreetly in loo. TuesdayGemini 21 May- 20 June Venus trines Jupiter today. Take advantage of free time to clear the cobwebs from your mind 9 a.m. First workless weekday in 18 months, things must be really bad in industry. No use writing to J-P Raffarin or the Sheik, both clearly deaf and blind, like all men. The government has management skills of radish, but all my efforts to set them on right road have been spurned. Still, what can you expect? El Shirak is lead camel of party called L’UMP. J. has abandoned school textbooks, is gripped by referendum fever, now reading draft constitution. Point out we have no vote, is therefore not only boring but irrelevant. Dust discarded Balzac, flick through same out of curiosity. No pictures, million words on every page, is modern equivalent of hair-shirt.  10 a.m. "Well, isn’t that interesting? The constitution provides for 2 committees with 350 members each," J. reads, lifting his legs so that the vacuum cleaner (irritatingly glued to my hand) may gulp fluff gobs.Am enraged, stop cleaning France immediately. Our taxes now going on purchase of 350-seater tables. 3 p.m.  Walk down to lake with J. and Bernadette. Diggers, earth mountains everywhere. Landscaping should be finished by Monday, according to Arlette. Our checkbook journalists due back on Friday to take photos for weekend papers. "I think we should have a name for each cabin," Bernie says. "You know, like the..er…Bougainvillea Lodge…" "In Limousin? The Hailstorm Suite, perhaps." Actually, think it’s an excellent idea, will give it some thought.   4.30 Admire Bernie’s wedding outfit, a colourful organza riot, 4 sizes too small. Still, think her spare tires already bit less inflated after one week on GL Diet. Norbert has fallen by the wayside apparently. "Started trying to run my life…I’ve had 30 years of that. You know, when I met Mr Right I had no idea his first name was Always. They’re all the same, aren’t they?""Yeah. And we’re all married to his relatives." Think that makes entire female species sisters-in-law.  WednesdayGemini 21 May- 20 June The moon is in Leo in your 3rd house. A day for impressing others with your knowledge and perception. 9.30 Have agreed to look after Charlie and Camille at mayoral palais, while Huguette and Bernard take triplets for check-up. Huguette says they slept for 12 straight hours after the Indian needle trick, offers me permanent job. Feel I must refuse, do not want to deprive her of motherhood joys."Don’t like those babies," Charlie says, waving as his parents drive off. "I’m glad they’re taking them back. They’re noisy, smelly, pooey. I’d rather get another dog."Can see his point. We didn’t discover dogs until after having children either. Could’ve just wrecked the carpets instead of our sanity. 11 a.m. Have taught the twins some English, introduced them to anarchic use of Sausage & Mash, passed on useful tips for driving teachers nuts. Must say they are very attentive students, haven’t once moaned re TV programs, videos etc. "How do you play golf?" Badly, but do not say so, might sully image. Besides, recognise indoctrination opportunity when I hear one."Well, you walk miles and miles hitting a little white ball into small holes as you go…er, then the person who’s taken the least number of wallops with his walking-stick is the winner." "Sounds a bit daft.""Well…ye-es. But lots of golfers lose their balls on the walk, so people like you find…
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