Diary From Limousin Part 20

MondayGemini 21 May- 21 June Venus moves into Gemini in your 1st house. For the next few weeks you’ll be more charming then usual and it will seem like everyone wants to be around you   7.45 Limousin back to normal. Weather foul. Cats sodden.Decide must have something hot and filling, cook bacon, eggs. Toast, croissants.  Time magazine, fags for pud. “Did you know that wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times?” Feign total deafness. Some people just have no conversational skills.   8.30 Nurse on phone, blathering re another blood test   “But you took enough last time to transfuse the whole of Limousin.”A control sample, she says severely. “Just to check that you’ve rid your system of banned substances.” “Er, banned substances?”“Pork products, eggs, cakes, tobacco etc.” Oh. “Arrange it with your doctor. Today.”   Humph. Am far too busy, have appointment with Plantes Alors, Show schedule to draft and translations oozing from every pore. Will ring doctor next week.   7 p.m. Formally welcome latest Gazelle, Cataline, La Poste boss.  Is normal to go red, shuffle a bit, say yeah well, right on, let’s get to it kids etc. Cataline infected with word disease, makes speech in reply re honour joining solidarity movement, like struggle of former Soviet bloc countries etc. Think perhaps one made mistake issuing membership invitation, but too late now, and one is far too polite to chuck said lunatic out. Her scarlet ‘n yellow leggings, matching top stretched tight over adipose mountains have slightly hypnotic quality. Wish I’d brought my fake Raybans. Cataline purrs to halt at last. Gazelle gyrations start with unusual enthusiasm.   8.10 Think Arlette deliberately chose SAS exercises. Have helped Cataline into car, offeredto call ambulance. Tell her it will be easier next time. Was only small lie.   Quality of post-gym refreshments deteriorating. Pass on carrot juice, celery sticks, carrot sticks, figs, apples.  Pig out on olives (olive-green variety). Sun shining again, lie on mats on grass, doze. Dream of real food. Not sure I like this clean healthy living. Have long argument re Show date. Agree June 30, Mayday for future years.Arrange preparation committees (one is now Theme Gardens Chairperson).  Next meeting Thursday, visit to site with all contractors.     TuesdayGemini 21 May- 21 June The moon continues through Gemini. Don’t dwell too much on health matters, but watch your intake   5 a.m. Read emails. NY Novelist has sent long missive re transporting reader into fantasy universe. The world is full of miserable people. Their misery stems from multiple causes…. you have to remove them from everyday humdrummery. Right. Let them live the story from the heroine’s viewpoint, blah blah. Right. Have breakfast while trying to figure out what all that means. Decide had better get into training for blood test. Wonder how long it takes to remove evidence of Mars bars, gâteaux, cream sauces etc. Drink green tea (foul), eat 2 oranges (horribly fruity), smoke 3 fags (no comment).   Apolline picked up by Henri. Nice car, didn’t know university lecturers earned enough to run Lexus. Still, not her business. Swish resto, no paper napkins, bendy forks etc. Orders cholesterol-rich food. (Obviously Ap. has no weight or forbidden substance problems.  Is heroine, after all) Anyway, necessary to transport reader into Limousine cuisine. She orders foie gras, filet de boeuf, fromage de chèvre, clafoutis, mountains of chantilly. Perhaps better stick to just one pud, even though heroine would dearly love île flottante and gâteau de noix à la crème anglaise for après-pudWill let Henri choose wine, think wrinkly sector of my public more comfortable with this.   Ap. asks Henri about confidential information he wishes to impart. Shifts uncomfortably in seat, looks around, calls waiter. Another bottle, garçon. Waiter glares. Henri clears throat. Does not wish to impugn colleague, but perhaps police well advised to look into background of Martin Martin. Henri has had his suspicions for some time, gets a bit too close to students. Especially female students.   Hmm. Should have chapter break here, excellent for suspense. Besides, think will have teensy pint or two of coffee.   8.35 Field Marshall Nurse on phone. Why hasn’t Madame been to doctor? “Too busy dining with Henri.”“Huh? Who’s Henri?” “Apolline’s boyfriend, he’s a serial killer.” Gives me final health warning etc. Why does no one trust me? Light fag to cope with stress.   “Are you still smoking?” This is unreal, scary. Have often wondered how those virtual smells work. Realise now they go down the telephone line. These nerdy geeks are really quite clever. Nurse sighs hyperdramatically, says will make appointment herself and ring back.   8.45  Nurse on phone again. Some people never realise when they’re not wanted. “Tomorrow evening at 7. Don’t forget.” Damn.   Translation slave-driver burdens wife with quarry license. Spend horrid morning splitting rocks in the Vosges.    12.30 Make lunch, drop heavy hints re tedium-ridden existence. “Hard work has a future payoff,” the Ayatollah intones pompously through his broccoli.  Think laziness pays off right now.   3 p.m. Pascal back from sunning himself silly, somewhere far from Limousin. Starts up smallpox machine, leaves me to stew.     WednesdayGemini 21 May- 21 June The moon moves into Cancer in your 2nd house. You feel the need to keep something back, opening up only to those you trust the most.   5.30 Apolline…
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