Diary from Limousin Part 16

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Diary from Limousin Part 16
MondayGemini 21 May- 20 June Your ruling planet Mercury is retrograding in Aries in your 11th house.  You’ll be making aggressive plans to pursue your goals. 9 a.m. John still in slightly wobbly mood re Gazelle activities. Have decided to be on best behaviour, no kipping on keyboard, quoting Labor Code etc. Agree meekly to translate appalling quality control document. All right, teeth-grittingly then. 7 p.m. Do not understand why widget industry so obsessed with norms, conformity, ISO 9001 etc. Have never looked forward to gym so much. 7.01 Believe Arlette part-time masochist. Has come equipped with notes, extra-loud bark. Everything short of circus whip. Huguette deputed to film near-Olympic-quality demonstration. Falls asleep near end, is revived, smelling salts of 30 sweaty Gazelles.Martine proudly announces loss of 1,000g. Is preparing new life as free woman. Fun times ahead, will start living life to the full (cheers). Bernie clapping, whooping, hugs her. Hmm. Not being too discreet about their affair(s). 8.05 Arlette will take film home, put together short routine. Rehearsal tomorrow before film crew arrives. Wants a perfect display. Debate official name for movement. Put forward my snappy slogans. All proposals containing Ladies rejected (too limitative, open to misinterpretation). Pass up Nadine’s suggestion of Lmousin Liberation Front (might precipitate further arrest, next time as terrorists). “I’ve got it!” All eyes on Babette. “Cows R Us…after all, what else is Limousin famous for?” Think others bit hard on our brilliant colleague. Intervene to stop lynching. “Babette, that’s precisely the image we’re trying not to convey…we have to get away from  cow culture, breathe new life into Limousin…make it famous for something else, a national Flower Show for example.” Point out that’s what we’ve been discussing for 10 weeks. Babette nods thoughtfully. “What about, er…Loverly Flowery Limousin?” Join in collective sigh.  Snappy slogan 39 agreed by default. At least has multinational and masculine appeal. One is now Limousin United. Break for coffee, cakes. Make slight pig of self. So many Gazelles dieting, assist Grizzelle in major offensive on tarts, gateaux etc. Must give cholesterol cells occasional treat. Run through list of props for TV spot. Warn farting specialist Grizzelle. Absolutely no thunder from down under, bottle-swigging, displaying detachable jaws etc, in front of cameras.  TuesdayGemini 21 May- 20 June,  Take care when Mercury goes direct not to do anything with friends you may regret D-Day! Have arranged appointment with hairdresser, must look best for cameras. Finish ridiculous Q.C. translation. Inform spouse one is not hungry, will be elsewhere at lunchtime. “What? Who’s going to make my lunch then?” Point out plenty of revolting tinned choucroute garni in cellar. Have been model wife for at least 24 hrs, enough is enough etc. 5 p.m. Has clearly been bonanza day for Limousin hairdressers. Gazelle manes like colour chart in paint shop.  Grizzelle wearing best witch outfit, looks like vampire-sired-by-warlock. Have never seen her wearing lipstick, but obvious has forgotten where lips located. Or maybe confused tube with toothpaste. Danette warns her to keep mouth closed. 5.25 TV technicians arrive, set up gear. Rehearse gym demo nervously to muffled guffaws from presenter Stéfan and all-male crew. 6 p.m. Cameras whirring, start svelte synchronized spectacle. 6.15 Have crashed into Martine twice, helped Bernie up after failed pirouette, sent sympathetic signals to Danette after major incident with television cables. Tried not to giggle at Nadine’s over-lacquered hair waving stiffly like cat flap. WednesdayGemini 21 May- 20 June Uranus is in Pisces in your 10th house.  Expect sudden changes that allow you the creativity you lack 5.30 Open kitchen shutters, feed cats and self.Boot laptop. Drink more coffee. Open breathtaking thriller. Close same. Am depressed, clean out of inspiration. Last night’s show running in continuous loop. Will surely go down as French classic, be nominated for comedy award at Cannes. Maybe gym fiasco can be edited. Ditto for Stéfan’s interview with grinning Grizzelle.  Rest perhaps passable in hands of talented magician. Maybe technology exists to fuzz out runny make-up, sweat-plastered multi-coloured hair, steamy mist swirling around Gazelles. Would make good wildlife film perhaps, complete with jungle soundtrack. Grizzelle swore she could not help it. Just wish explosion less loud. Stéfan thinks will be broadcast tonight, subject to arranging interview with mayor. 2 p.m. Find vol. 3, A La Recherche Du Temps Perdu beside loo. Must do something re books in bathroom. Am too tired to get hysterical. Will have surreptitious power- nap instead. 7 p.m. Have had endless telephonic post-mortems (morta?). (Snort – Ed). France Telecom thrilled. Everyone else depressed. 7.10Very disappointed. Nothing in regional news. 7.15 Sheik El Shirak blathering re desirability of saving European agriculture. 7.16 Yesyesyes!!! Françoise on undesirability of Limousin bovine mentality. 7.17 Four seconds of gymnasts. Have obviously stuck together all non-disastrous bits. Mmm. Looked rather professional. Camera slowly traversing Sewing Circle’s patchwork masterpieces. Stéfan wrinkling nose whilst talking to Grizzelle. Stéfan in front of Mairie. “….refused to comment, but I spoke earlier today to another  councillor….”Cut to good old young Nicolas, revealing his efforts to persuade the mayor to adopt Limousin United’s plan. “…the others followed Bernard like, er, cows….those who were awake, that is…” “Is this really democracy? The Flower Show proposal, put together by a group of determined women, could save Limousin…“….minutely planned, persuaded local artisans, educational establishments etc to participate, mostly on voluntary basis…yet rejected out of hand…ignored by regional government…“Isn’t it time elected officials started listening to those who…
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