Kiss Bow or Shake Hands

How I wish I’d had the book Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands during my trip to India and Asia.  Lord knows how many gaffes it would have averted when my husband and I were traveling around the world. There’s no way anyone can keep track of local customs and etiquette, in addition to the best ways of conducting business without some help. Terri Morrison’s book is undoubtedly one of the most definitive guides dealing with more than 60 countries.

This book is filled with incredibly useful information for all travelers, whether causal tourists or hot shot business executives. It’s impossible to keep up in this world of globalization and ongoing changes unless you’re a cultural anthropologist. When speaking to Ms. Morrison, she admitted she was working for a management consulting company and persuaded them “they needed how-to materials for executives who were moving countries.” Four years later in 1995, the first book was published and this newest edition is hot off the presses.

I zeroed in on the chapter dealing with France for obvious reasons.  For travelers heading here and beyond, don’t think just because you’re only crossing a border that customs will be the same. For that matter, protocol can and does vary in different cities within a country. Parisians are ever so different than residents of southern France, who tend to be comparatively laid back and often have assumed an “a demain” Latin mentality.

In spite of the fact I’ve lived in France for eighteen yeas, some of the dos and don’ts listed in this book are revelations. “Are the French unfriendly? No – but they can be difficult to get to know.” The authors’ theory is that because the French develop relationships with myriad people (including the baker, the butcher and local sales clerks); so many things are accomplished via personal contacts. The French are filled with pride and are status oriented. That doesn’t mean they don’t consider the waiter behind the bar where they grab a fast coffee every morning not worthy of shaking hands.

The French appreciate it if you speak French. At the very least, make an attempt or ask if the person speaks English. Most probably they do, but it’s only polite not to assume so and start rambling in English (or any other language). The French tend to be more reticent and perceive people who ramble as sharing too much information. One French friend, a publisher, had mentioned that Americans tend to recite their lives’ stories. Marc wonders why, and can’t imagine the reason these people think he’d be interested in hearing their family history. Conversely knowing what they think about politics and philosophy is relevant.

It’s not that the French are cold. They just don’t come barreling at you like a train with no breaks. Developing relationships with the French is an are; but once established, they’re friends forever and will come to your rescue in more ways than you can imagine. When my husband was in a car accident in Provence, an immediate network was formed to ensure he received the best medical care possible. Hot and cold gourmet casseroles were left for his care and feeding, and all of our neighbors were wonderful about calling to see if he needed a ride or something from town.

If you’ve watched many French talk shows on television, you can’t help but notice that a favorite form of entertainment is debating.  The French are analytical, rarely flip and frequently indulge in rhetoric to the point of its being an art form.

The more articulate you are, the better. It’s not considered rude (during a debate) to interrupt one another and it’s not infrequent when everyone speaks simultaneously. Moderators have their work cut out for them. Education is a badge the French wear with honor.

When socializing, do shake hands when you’re being introduced. Even though the younger generation will “tu” one another, people over a certain age should stick with “vous” and address people by Madame and Monsieur until told to do otherwise. I have a friend who still calls her mother-in-law Madame. After being married to her son for 20+ years, it does make you stop and wonder.

When it comes to business, according to Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands, you must be punctual for business and social meetings; and skip trying to seal a deal during the sacred month of August when everyone is en vacance. With the exception of the tourist industry, Paris virtually closes down (which, by the way, makes it an ideal time to visit the City of Light).

Business cards should be presented — and don’t shove ones you receive in your pocket. It’s important to look at them with more than a modicum of respect. The ideal time to conduct business is at lunch, even though you’ll see an increasing number of power breakfasts taking place at the Palace hotels. What you wear is important for both men and women, and men should never take off jackets in business meetings unless their boss or host has done so first.

If you’re sharing a meal, pay homage to the food before you dive into it or the business conversation. During lunch or dinner, keep both hands on the table; when you’ve finished, place the knife and fork parallel across your plate. Most French aficionados prefer champagne to hard liquor before dinner. Don’t be rude and smoke between courses since it deadens your taste buds — course, this will be history soon, because as of. January 1, 2007 the no-smoking law is slated to be adopted in all restaurants throughout France. What you might not have known and may consider bad news; the person who does the inviting is expected to do the paying and should signal for the check by doing a scribbling gesture on the hand (which appears to be a universal language).

But when it comes to tipping and so many other facts, Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands  is filled with pertinent, useful information. The reality is that even though people are becoming (in many ways) more alike, they tend to be filled with national pride and cultural differences. Being able to anticipate people’s behavior often enhances a traveler’s experience.

© Karen Fawcett
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