Diary from Limousin Part 14

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Diary from Limousin Part 14
Monday Gemini 21 May – 20 June A week of mixed fortunes and complicated affairs lies ahead. Try introducing a little order into your life 5.05 Ouch. Shin actually device for finding furniture in dark. Must relocate exercise bike, or will be permanently crippled.5.17 Coffee tin empty. Drink 2 glasses of orange juice. Make tea. Open shutters. Wave to cats. Open Bloodbath in Limoges/Strangulatioin in Strasbourg. Capt. Apolline Faubourg starts brainstorming session with murder team.  Bawls them out re lack of progress, women dying while detective Neroes fiddling etc. Partneress fiddles with false fingernails, team look blank. Ap. sends them out to find clues, murderer. Apolline’s boss summons her to his office, bawling re lack of progress, Rome burning etc. Questions being asked in parliament, press hounding him. Has noticed all victims law students. Perhaps Perp a guy with grudge against lawyers? Some sleazeball who thinks there are already too many in world? Apolline laughs, dismisses theory, too far-fetched. Sir. No one thinks like that, not even in novels.  9 a.m. Make bed. Bedroom more warehouse than boudoir. Hundreds of years’ worth of accumulated junk. And rodent (whereabouts, species unknown). 3 huge computer boxes, must put away in loft. Hmm. Loft full of spiders, possibly other livestock. Will get downstairs Tarzan to deal with same. Make list of Jobs Must Do. change bedding, alarm clock sockclean house  vacuum salon (floor of)clear bedroom of junk, empty boxes find, exterminate rodentlocate artisan willing to travel to hinterland (repairs, decorating)locate Yellow Pages for artisan details Find compiling list great therapy. Also less effort than actually doing jobs thereon. 7 p.m. “Knees up! Higher! Runrunrun! Faster! Head up, Martine! Hon-est-ly. Why do you bother coming to gym?” “Only place I get to hear some heavy breathing.” 8 p.m. Ask Martine how things with Jerome these days. “Not good,” she shrugs. “I sink maybe ‘e ‘as zuh affair. What can I do?” Bites lip, eyes brimming. “Have an affair back.” 11 p.m. Have decided to allow Gizmo into bedroom for 1 night. Tell her last known whereabouts of mouse. G. delighted, smiles, purrs.  TuesdayGemini 21 May – 20 June Someone you’ve been relying on doesn’t quite come up to scratch 01.10 Rescue Gizmo from depths of computer box02.30 Woken by bed dipping violently. G. apparently practising pole vault.03.10 G. under quilt, licking soles of feet03.45 Turn over. Start dream re Limousin Motorcycle show. Amazing soundtrack.03.48 Push purring cat off pillow. 04.10 Woken by thunder. Remove ecstatic cat from face. Throw out of window. 9.30 Start translating by-laws for French corp. creating subsidiary in Rumania. More disloyal outsourcing. At this rate, will be no industry left in France by end of month. PM useless, has ignored all my emails on subject.Still, at least by-laws easy job, v. restful. 11.30 Am rudely awoken by inconsiderate boss. “Just having a power nap. Like Churchill, Mrs. Thatcher.” “Hmm. I hope, for everyone’s sake, you’re not planning a career in politics…” Am almost tempted to tell him about Saturday’s demo. WednesdayGemini 21 May – 20 June Romance is in the air – give free rein to your imagination 5.15 Apolline and partneress visit law faculty. Get lost. End up in mile-long corridor, somewhere in bowels (of building). Ask for directions from v. helpful young man (as in not old. 32ish, say). Tall, blue eyes, hair falling charmingly negligently over one eye. Is a dish actually.  Find office of administrator. Knock, walk in purposefully. Administrator v. minor character, so no lengthy descriptions needed. Looks a bit like woman at health board, Mme Poulet. Obviously cannot call her that. Mme Dinde very efficient. Clucks sympathetically re victims while waiting for Monsieur de Villeneuve to arrive. Ratatatat. “Ah, Henri,” Mme Dinde breathes. Puffs up like I-survived-Thanksgiving turkey as he enters. Pats hair, pulls lips into heart shape. Stupid bitch. (Ahem – Ed) Apolline turns slowly, recognises helpful corridor dish. Gazes into soft, piercing, clear, pale knowing blue eyes. Heart beats wildly in chest, thorax, ribcage, breast(s). Hmm. Difficult. Not sure how liberal one can be with human anatomy. ThursdayGemini 21 May – 20 June Early optimism fades. You hear something later that will surprise and disturb you  Have 3 numbers + bonus in Loto!! Check pay-out excitedly. Yesyesyesyes!!!  €82,460.80. Wow. Can now have that special €399 all-in-Thalasso-in-Tunisia-hol. Cocktails by pool. Massage by dusky Adonis. Hairdo by Dessanges. Check to see how few other people as clever as self. Oh. 25,769 winners. Surely some mistake. €3.20 each. Merde. 5 p.m. Have quick walk before God hoses Limousin again. Notice Martine’s car in Maison de Scumbag drive, drop in, find women head to head over coffee table, deep in discussion. “We’ve decided to have an affair,” Martine announces. Bernie beams.Wham. Just like that. Not what I had in mind for Martine at all. “Er, right. Well…I hope you’ll both be very happy.” What else could I say? “Huh? Oh. You dope…we’re not planning to have one affair…but two.” Dear God, is even worse than I thought. 7 p.m. Banner session in gym hall. Reject Grizzelle’s pink candy-striped flannel sheet as unsuitable for serious message to political gods in Paris. Besides, has two v. large yellow floral patches thereon. Notice Martine and Bernadette operating placard production in corner. Keep close eye on new we-are-an-item-now couple, do not want any public hanky-panky. FridayGemini 21 May – 20 June Enjoy some quality time (take in a show?). Avoid putting your foot in it this afternoon 2 p.m. Am…
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