Diary from Limousin Part 12

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  Monday Gemini 21 May- 21 June Imprudent purchases will haunt you this week.  Do not despair, work and (re)creation provide stability in these temporarily troubled times 5.35 Am rudely awoken by uncouth Intermarché alarm clock. Is like v. bad soprano with gut infection. Maybe can get refund of €1.99. Have kept packaging after all, even if slightly ripped. 5.36 Make coffee. Feed Gizmo. Leave Whinge on windowsill looking especially stupid with gift hanging from jaw. Do not need dead rodent this morning. Am already sharing house with live mouse and virtual worm. Feel depressed. Make orange green tea to cure said condition. Will pee all day, but at least proves kidneys working. Remove Gizmo from my cornflakes. 6.30 Am disgusting. Have smoked 7 fags, written 3 lines. Will be dead by lunchtime at this rate. Dead and undiscovered. Must pull oneself together. Is Denise’s fault. Keep thinking about her consorting with d’Arcy Jr., Scumbag clone. But perhaps fils nothing like foul felinephobe father. Bound to adore cats, children, his mother. And Denise of course. 7.30 Have completed whole page! Okay, have maybe been a tad creative with spacing, 2-line paragraphs etc. Have not yet resolved intro of Henri the Financial Wizard into life of Capt. Apolline Faubourg while she solves murders. Or how she solves murders. Still, have 209 pp. to sort out latter problem. 7.40 Check emails. Still no word from 100% Virus Protection Inc. re resident worm. Will give them 24 hrs before threatening suit for trillions. 10 a.m. Bernadette calls with my copy of Great Limousin Flower Show project. “Can’t stop long, I’m going to spring clean the cottage.” Praise v. artistic trees, flowers, log cabins etc, separating passages. “Terrific, Bernadette. Even a blind man could read this with ease.” Gives me v. odd look. Must be v. disturbed lady after 30 years of putting up with Sleazeball. TuesdayGemini 21 May- 21 June Adding to your knowledge and experience is a constant in your life, Gemini. Savour it. 8 a.m. “Amazing. Did you know that France has one of the highest birth rates in the developed world?” Ignore Reader’s Digest press attaché. Am suffering from sleep- and holiday-deprivation. Anyway, is not amazing at all. French only work part-time, obviously spending most of week bonking. Suddenly realise was real purpose of 35 hr. week. Cunning plan to produce millions of pension-providers, bed-pan emptiers etc. 11 a.m. Welcome Ali the Itinerant Salesman, at least he is a constant in my life.  J. muttering re constant costly pest. Will speak to him later re Christian attitude to those less fortunate than self. Mention lack of dusters. Ali delighted, has special super-bumper pack. Am doubtful re necessity for 24 dusters, especially as only v. occasional activity. Still, can bequeath excess to children. Firmly resist Ali patter re tasteful plastic tablecloths, drying up cloths etc. Enquire re health of family, babies, wives. 11.30 Have slight ululating fit re con-man relieving us of €24 for scraps of yellow cloth hardly big enough to blow nose in. Yell at J. to wipe smile off face. 6 p.m. Finish inter-company-share-dealing contract for financial agency. Is v. clever tax scam. Hope our figures fairy as creative. Do not wish to contribute to national bonking program.   9 p.m. Watch Lyon v. PSV Eindhoven. Refereed by that funny Mr Collina, looks like slim Kojak. Am v. annoyed he lets dirty Dutch get away with murder. J. wakes from snoring session, asks me to turn down the volume. Yours, he says. Cheeky sod. WednesdayGemini 21 May- 21 June You’re more assertive in pursuing your goals, but avoid contretemps. You may renew contact with an old friend this evening. 5.35 Fingers fairly flying over keyboard. Capt. Apolline sends two minions to bring in boyfriend of murderee no.1, give him 3rd degree.5.55 Make coffee while they fetch suspect. Ignore screaming cats, is snowing again. Floor dirty enough. Neighbours bound to be up anyway. Is Spring after all.6.15 Apolline apoplectic. Minionmobile broken down on motorway. Has caused long traffic jam. Ap. telephones suspect. Asks him politely to come to Commissariat for friendly chat, advises him to use minor roads. 9.15 Martine phones. “We have 2 hours to present the plan to the council.”“Huh? What now? I have to wash my hair, buy a new alarm clock.” “No dope, tomorrow. 8 pm. And dress up.”  “Dress up?” But she’s gone. Hmm. Not sure if this means ball gown or unstained jeans. Expect Martine has sequined shell suit. 10 a.m. Visit Maison de Time, emporium heaving.  Explain alarming problem to charming assistant. Notice she wears name badge upside-down, like nurses wear watches. Maybe poor girl a bit forgetful. Emilie puts complete range on counter. Surprised they keep them in locked cabinet. Alarm clocks surely not prime target for armed robbers.“…Für Elise tune…very discreet, Madame…”“…and this is the police siren model….” 10.15 Am beginning to get headache. Thank God crowds thinning, shop less stuffy. “…last word in snooze control…”10.20 Maison de Time almost empty. Morning rush over. Other assistants huddling in corner near door marked ‘Manager’.“…latest version of Beethoven’s 5th….” 10.25 Manic manager v. rude to Emilie re alleged loss of clientele….
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