Diary from Limousin 19

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MondayGemini 21 May- 20 June A good day for making decisions of principle. Avoid excessive ruthlessness   5.30 Open windows. Back To The Antarctic II playing. Close said apertures quickly, just as cats do synchronised jump towards windowsill. They can wait, are wearing fur coats after all.   Boot cafetière, toaster. Realise missed pudding, supper yesterday. Eat 6 slices toast, apple, banana. Check emails. Nothing from Filthy-Rich Famous NY Novelist. Perhaps still in shock after reading chap. 20 of Page Turner by Y.S Truly.   Have decided that all 3 murderees regular members of health and fitness club. Club full of lithe-limbed lads sweatily pumping iron. Apolline ignores chorus of wolf-whistles, maintains ice-queen exterior  Deep down is thrilled, flattered heart fluttering. Partneress grins inanely, wiggles hips. Honestly. Melamine has intelligence of kitchen worktop.   Grill le patron, a fleshy flashy cretin in shiny suit, has beringed fingers, hard eyes. Fake Rolex on wrist. Ace detective v. suspicious. Demands list of clientele.   Apolline’s heart skips beat. (Seems to be overdosing on heart irregularities – Ed) (Piss off, Ed, or I’ll make her a mono-legged Mongolian midget)(Only trying to help – Ed)    "Good gracious me," she exclaims. Hands list to Melamine, points to names thereon. Police Chief and Juge d’Instruction are also members. Will have to interrogate them both."Ve-ry interesting," Melamine murmurs meaninglessly. "…that nasty Henri de Villeneuve is a member too."   7 p.m. Gazelles rather lethargic gymnasts tonight. Anxious air pervades the hall, even Arlette subdued, hardly raises voice above yell. No sign of a popular uprising after distribution of seditious tracts. Françoise suggests perhaps due to other 800 inhabitants having difficulty remembering where they left their reading glasses. "And then they’ll have to locate their zimmer frames before shuffling down to the Mairie," Danette observes glumly.    TuesdayGemini 21 May- 20 June The moon squares Pluto today. You’ve backed all the right horses, but watch out for emotional manipulation   8 a.m. "Isn’t that amazing?" John says brightly. "A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate." Amazing. Recognise an olive branch when I hear one.   9.30 Pop down to Mairie to pump friendly secretary re villager reaction to flyer.  Mayor not usually there until he’s communed with cows, chewed a few lengths of straw etc. Squeeze through crowd of wrinklies cluttering up road, entrance to building etc. Must be waiting for the Scrabble Club to open.    Reach front desk, duck walking stick being swung by Hundred Years War veteran. Listen with faux sympathy as weary secretary describes major offensive on local government. Waves copy of tract. "Bernard’s furious over this. Particularly the bit about your scheme being certain to lower local taxes. All these people want an explanation from him."Heart singing. Kiss surprised old soldier on way out. Turn down offer of back rub after his siesta. Dirty old sod.   9 p.m. Watch Liverpool-v-Chelsea Champions’ League semi-final. Weep copiously during rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone. Gizmo now very wet, push her off my lap. Tell J. to shut trap, is blathering re spouse more Maudlin than Madeleine.Used to stand on terraces at Stamford Bridge in good old days, but think will throw support behind the Reds tonight. Love whole Scouse culture, Beatles, 60s etc.   10.45 Thought winning goal distinctly dodgy, but toast Liverpool nonetheless. Look forward to their trashing A.C Milan in final. Not that one is partisan really.     WednesdayGemini 21 May- 20 June The moon moves into Aries in your 11th house. You want to be surrounded by your more forthright friends and actively pursue your goals   6 a.m. Apolline has given Melamine little pep talk re obsession with lovely Henri. Instinct is but the tool of an idle mind etc. Sends said bimbo off to check out backgrounds of other members. Sits back in leather swivel chair. Swivels.   Phone rings. It’s Henri, voice slightly muffled. Has some information for her. Can’t tell her over phone. Perhaps we could meet? This evening? Dinner? Agrees after appropriate level of hesitation. Mustn’t appear too eager. Gives him her address. Puts phone down with trembling, clammy hand. Has not felt this way about a man since – since that U2 concert in Montpellier ten years ago, when Bono looked straight at her. Just her, out of all the millions there.   8 a.m. Françoise phones. Mayor has called a public meeting for this evening, council workers delivering a note to every household today. Hmm. Bernard obviously running scared.   8 p.m. Insist that J. attends meeting, despite protests re Cosi Fan Tutte broadcast on Arte channel. Notice most Gazelles partnered too. Bit startled to see Bernie with Norbert in tow. What if Scumbag wanders in, finds his wife fondling ladykiller’s butt? Huguette seated in front row, facing Bernard. Nicolas sitting on mayor’s left, grins, winks. Wink back, get painful dig in ribs from insanely jealous spouse.   8.15 Hurray! Limousin United have kicked off! One is now on the road! We’ll Never Walk Alone!   8.20 "…can’t authorize a golf course, but we will allow a mini golf course…"   Swine! Bastard! *?*?¤[email protected]^ !!!   "…too expensive, elitist."   Cannot contain myself, leap to feet.  "Shame on you Bernard! …there’s nothing elitist about golf. All you need is a stick, ball and revolting clothing….you’ve been…
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