Book and Old Documents Fair

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MondayGemini 21 May-21 June A propitious day for developing creative skills, but avoid indulging your capacity for leaving jobs half done 5.30am Writing blockbuster while world sleeps. Well, half world anyway. Have pencils sharpened for stabbing Gizmo when she walks across keyboard. Coffee. Fags. Matchsticks for propping eyelids open. Have 14 emails. Send 13 to trash. Do not need penis or breast enlargement today. Or blind date with Tibetan yakherder. Read latest advice from Already-Famous-Novelist in sleeping world. Keep them darned fingers tappin’. Especially in middle of night. All very well for AFN, cosy-tootsie under New York quilt. Snoring while I shiver. Will not tell her am playing solitaire. 6.31 Have written 4 whole paragraphs. But cannot now remember where I put murder weapon. Or which chapter I threw it in handy canal. Remove moulting Gizmo from fruit basket. Grapes now pressed. Bananas puréed. Shame to waste. Will make John nice milk shake with same. Have breakfast. Not good to stare at screen for too long anyway. Feed Whinge and Gizmo. Sort paper avalanche in study into neat piles. Do not scream hysterically as Gizmo and Whinge redistribute piles since world still sleeping. Do not remember wanting cats. 7.20 Northern hemisphere now awake. Too late, distracting, etc to write. Will resume tomorrow. Or day after. Maybe. TuesdayGemini. 21 May-21 June First thing this morning the moon opposes Neptune, leaving you confused and unsettled. Take time today to straighten out the confusion 8.35  Merde. Have overslept. Have head like Birkenhead. Stiff as board after last night’s Gazelle gym club. Unpeel eyelids. Wardrobe, chest of drawers. New cobweb. Spider awake and weaving same. Exercise bike. Cannot face Tour de Chambre today. Ignore haughty husband’s Good Afternoon, Dear. Start siphoning coffee pipeline. Snowing again. At least do not have to leave house today. No physio for 2 weeks as Pascal has buggered off to ski. Slopes must be pretty crowded now. Estimate 49.2 million freezing French currently sliding down hills on floorboards. Have health insurance dossier to complete. Research owner of land behind lake/possibility of adjoining golf course/availability of T. Woods to open same. Am also 14 chapters behind best-smelling blockbuster deadline. Own deadline, as am not yet ready to stun publishing world. 32 pp. maybe bit short for detective novel. 10.30 Listen to radio news. CAC 40 up one point. Goody. Industrial production up. Consumer spending up. Hmm. Must mean a series of strikes imminent. 10.50 Look At Books as ordered by Ayatollah Dickson. Check debtor-agencies. Boss says government demanding double contributions to pay skiing costs of ministers, uncivil serpents etc. El Cheapotrans, WordsRUs, and InyourLingo S.A. owe cost of luxury cruise. SA? Stands for Sod All Translators, John yells.  Waves arms, curses industry, translation companies, skiing ministers etc. Decide would make excellent shop steward. Or mullah. 2.30 Have new agency client. Monsieur Forrin, CEO of Forrin2Us. Specialise in work for les syndicats. Assure him resident ace translators are discreet, will not blab to that nice Monsieur Raffarin re trade union shenanigans. Notice he is a bit humourless.Translate seditious document discreetly. Avoid using managerial tone of voice. J. suggests is very difficult for me. Ignore facetious husband. 4.30 Send translation. Hesitate over addition of smilies, red hearts, animated cats to email. Might get wrong impression. 8 p.m. Watch TV news Teachers, doctors, police, transport workers going on strike. CAC 40 plummets. Delete Forrin2U from client list. WednesdayGemini. 21 May-21 June You are entering a phase where your help will be sought. Give generously 5.30am  Do not know how long I can continue tracking murderers in middle of night. Perhaps should switch genre. Maybe am potential new Barbara Cartland. Or Stephen King. Toy with ground-breaking plot. Unmarried mother meets bodice-ripping automobile. Snags stockings on side of dark tower while trying to escape. Infant son objects to Roland as new uncle. Kills latter with hefty blow using rattle. Mm. Perhaps am better at murder. 2.30 p.m. Hannah phones from ski slopes re her electoral-roll situation. Skiing obviously v. boring sport. Cannot imagine helping Tiger Woods stroke balls into hole while wondering whether am entered on village voting register. Apparently voting both duty and right. People must accept responsibility for constitutional processes. Point out more convivial to get drunk, play solitaire, watch Arsenal v. Man. Utd. etc. Accept am flippant, democratically destructive etc. Promise to send cheque to keep daughter’s banker smiling. 9 p.m. Am mainlining chocolate when Martine phones. Save Our Services meeting fixed for Monday. Twenty hundred hours. Do not point out there are only 24 hours in day. Meeting in sports hall, so Gazelle gym gyrations cancelled. Shame. Get out old college scarf, Chelsea FC rattle. Ethnic goatskin coat. Hmm. Smells a bit goaty. Still, will be masked by eau de vache from other villagers.Am really excited by communal mobilisation. Tell John Limousin Ladies United taking fight to streets behind nice mayor. Noisy marches. Hurling insults, paving stones etc at Parisians with their big cars, post offices, schools etc. Giving the finger to riot police in their leggings and dark glasses. J forbids same. Point out am free woman. Until arrested, thrown in jail, guillotined etc, he says ThursdayGemini. 21 May-21 June A rebirth aspect enters your sphere. You feel Spring in the air530 am -9° Curse Limousin tundra. Curse New York bully-novelist. Turn heating up to max.  Wake coffee machine. Smoke 3 fags. Change murderee. Change modus. Kill novelist with ice pick. Feel hugely satisfied. 8.30am Hurray! New doors here. 9 months after order. Hmm. Doors must have same gestation period as made-to-measure persons. Wonder whether I should phone overdue drive contractors. Must be nearing partum. 1030   Disturbing quantity of plaster coming off walls. Debris knee deep 1201 Carpenters/dust contractors spin wheels on future drive. Prepare lunch. Kitchen now redoored after 3 hours’ exposure to Limousin icecap. 1230 Don furs, hat, scarf, gloves, thermal…
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