Bernie and Me

In a dream last night, I was being interviewed by the man I most respect and like in France, Bernard Pivot, who has single-handedly over the past few decades, elevated the status and understanding of language in France to a new level.  The only way this interview could happen would be if it occurred in the hereafter, which it seemed to be.  When: 2020 Where: Paradise Who: Bernard Pivot and me What: An “Apostrophe/Bouillon de culture”-type interview Why: I said it was my dream. How come: I said it was Paradise.  BP: So, John, if I may call you that, what have you been reading lately?  JAT: Well, Bernard, if I can reciprocate, nothing much that would interest you, I suspect.  BP: Come, come, I see that you’re clutching a book.  JAT: Yes, well, as you know, as on “Desert Island Discs,” we’re allowed to bring several works up here and one book I brought is Kitchen Con: Writing on the Restaurant Racket by Trevor White.  BP: You must like it a lot to make it one of the precious items you’d carry for the rest of eternity; most people bring Shakespeare or Proust.  JAT: Actually, it’s not true that I like it a lot; Bernie, if I may; I found it often funny but awfully nasty and annoyingly repetitive; no, I brought it as a reminder of the past, my past.  To remind me of what I like and dislike about the whole food biz and especially food writing.  BP: Tell us more.  JAT: OK.  As you know, I love reading food writing and even more, reading about writing about food writing.  So I’ve loved the recent books by Francois Simon, Gilles Pudlowski, Pascal Remy, Olivier Morteau, Thierry Wolton/Leo Fourneau, and Dianne Jacob.*  And, when a dear foodie friend found this in the Strand Book Store and passed it on to me, I thought I’d really like it.  BP: I guess I’m supposed to ask now why you were disappointed.  JAT: Well, White spends an inordinate amount of time trashing hostile critics, egotistical chefs and dumb customers; an incredible amount of copy “getting-back” at those he feels have slighted him; and after 140 pages of a somewhat logical progression of chapters, an almost after-the-fact Part II that presents a disjointed hodge-podge of stuff, including chapters on the film Super Size Me, a defense of expensive restaurants and an interview with Anthony Bourdain.  BP: Isn’t there anything you can say to stimulate others to read it; after all, one of my three goals in life is to get folks to read more and read more widely.  JAT: Well, I did think the cross-cultural observations (especially comparing restaurant reviewing in France, the UK and the US) were interesting.  To summarize: in France the critics try to stimulate people to go, in the UK they try to keep people away and in the US, the New York Times, at least, tries very hard to publish the restaurant review of record for the newspaper of record.  In addition, for those who cannot read French, he does repeat in English what the French critics have said in their books.  BP: That’s it?  JAT: Well, Bern, if I may, White does really go after sacred cows and if it’s schadenfreud your listeners/readers are looking for in their summer reading, this is it.  In addition, he does have a rather encyclopedic data base, from the Middle Ages to Homer Simpson, from Escoffier to Ducasse and from La Colombe D’Or to the Fat Duck. But I finished it with relief and set it down with the same question I always ask myself on exiting a Woody Allen movie – “What was so funny?”  BP: Well, John, I guess it’s time to stop.  We’ve got a lot of time left up here, so I’m sure that after I get though interviewing some of the other (read more interesting) luminaries up here, I’ll ring you up again.  Have a nice summer read.  JAT: Ditto B., ciao.  The only off-shoot of a chef (Alain Ducasse) mentioned above I endorse is:  Rech 62, ave des Ternes, 17th (Metro : Ternes) T: 01.45.72.29.47 Closed Saturday lunch and Sundays A la carte 45-90 €  *References : Fourneau L (a pseudonym for Thierry Wolton), “Bon Appétit, Messieurs,” Editions Grasset, 2006, Paris  Jacob D, “Will Write for Food: The Complete Guide to Writing Cookbooks, Restaurant Reviews, Articles, Memoirs, Fiction and More,” Marlowe, 2005, New York  Morteau O (a pseudonym for Dubanchet L, Mantoux A & Rubin E), “Food Business: La face cachée de la gastronomie française,” Éditions Générales First, 2004, Paris  Pudlowski G, “Comment être critique gastronomique et garder la ligne,” Rocher, 2004, Paris  Remy P, “L’inspecteur se met à table,” Éditions des Équateurs, 2004, Paris  Simon F, “Comment se faire passer pour un critique gastronomique sans rien y connaître,” Éditions Albin Michel SA, 2001, Paris  White, T, “Kitchen Con: Writing on the Restaurant Racket,” Arcade/Hachette, 2006, New York    ©2007 John A. Talbott