American or Not

  What do you do when your very American child no longer relates to his nationality? He or she may carry a US passport or another one. But when push comes to shove, that’s about as far as it goes.   For example, friends from California have a son who attends Paris’s Ecole Bilangue. Classes are conducted both in French and in English and there are approximately an equal number of native speakers. It’s one of the city’s most sought-after schools. Gaining admission is no easy feat.   English is spoken at home. But, try as the parents might, their son always responds in French.  It’s not that he doesn’t understand … but Johnny has definite linguistic preferences and isn’t shy about making them known – merci. He insists on speaking exclusively French.  This is driving his parents a wee bit mad because they realize the importance of speaking English and that Johnny should relate to being American.   John is sticking to his six-year-old guns. When queried, he was adamant and answered, “I was born in France, I live in Paris and my friends are French. That makes me French.” It’s hard to argue with that type of logic.   John’s parents and I have had numerous conversations regarding this dilemma.  Both parents have been on the job hunt in the U.S. and have come close to landing ones of their dreams. They’d send their son to a French school so he wouldn’t lose his French language acuity and graduate with a Baccalauréat under his belt so as not to close off future options.   John’s primary language would become English and sports would be part of his daily life rather than an occasional occurrence. Rather than playing “le foot,” John would probably become a baseball aficionado. His father feels strongly that he wants his son to experience the American way of life.   So many expatriate families encounter the same challenges of keeping their children grounded. It’s definitely one of the reasons the State Department insists families return to the US periodically for home leave.   But, there are other options than leaving a country if you’re happy there. Join the American Spouses of Europeans and get your kids together with other children to play and celebrate holidays such as Thanksgiving.   If you have family in the US, visit them and leave the kids to battle it out. Children who’ve continuously heard English will speak it (probably fluently) at the drop of a hat.  There’s nothing like a playground to serve as a level playing field.   Once your child is old enough, consider sending him or her to camp in the wilds of Vermont…or another place where it’s unlikely he or she will hear foreign languages.   Since Europeans (and Americans who live in the EU) work for multi-national companies where more vacation is the norm, rent a house during the school vacations where there’s a beach or a communal swimming pool.   Upon moving to France nearly 20 years ago, I was amazed by the number of my American friends who were married to French husbands and had children who didn’t speak English. Those were the days that mothers wanted their children to be totally assimilated into the French culture. The children who did speak some English, did so with an incredibly thick French accent since after puberty it’s hard to sound like a native speaker.   Another friend, Connie, spoke English to her kids while the six of them attended French schools. Each summer, they’d pack up and spend the summer in Martha’s Vineyard. What became apparent was that all of the children were 100% fluent in both languages even down to the hand gestures. It was a little disconcerting to hear the kids switch back and forth from English to French during their daily lunches at home. I’d try to keep up with the conversations but was often defeated since they were speaking argot.   Even adults, after living abroad for a certain period of time, lose touch with American (and some of the worst of pop) culture. Each time I return to the States, I find I need total immersion before I understand what most people (especially those who are substantially younger than I) are discussing.  Not that my education is lacking because I do try to keep up. But I’d never even heard of Lindsay Lohan until recently and could really have let her escapades be a lapse in my knowledge bank.   If it sounds as if I’m a proponent of living abroad (specifically in France), I have to plead guilty. There may be some disadvantages but the advantages far outweigh them. Parents are simply required to make a more concerted effort that children are assimilated in more than one culture and language. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. How I wish I’d had the opportunity to live abroad when I was growing up.   © Paris New Media [email protected]